5 Ways to be a More Amazing Friend

I had one of those holy crap I'm an adult moments the other day when I realized that I haven't seen my parents {except on Skype} in two years. I'm incredibly close to my family and am definitely not the kind of person who craves a lot of alone time! I realized in that same moment that my "family" has expanded a lot since I've gotten older to include some incredible friends. Even though I haven't had my parents, my sister or my in-laws around much in the past three years, I feel like I have a family-away-from-family in the wonderful people I've met in Japan. Their friendships have brought me so much happiness, laughter, comfort and fulfillment. As my last months in Japan approach, I've been thinking more about how to show them how much they've meant to me and how I hope they've known this all along. I know I haven't always treated my friends with the care they deserve so I've come up with some tips to make us all more amazing friends than ever!

 1. Be Honest {duh}

Being honest spans the big things and the little. I often find myself making up little white lies to get out of a dinner or doing something with a friend I don't want to do. But then I have to keep track of that stupid little white lie and risk them finding out and being hurt when I could've just been honest in the first place! Likewise, don't make promises you can't keep. If you have committed to something you can't follow through on, be honest about it to your friend. Stop doing that annoying thing where you say Yeah, I can totally help you move! Sure, let's get lunch next week! Of course I can pick you up from the doctor! and then it turns out you can't because your cat is puking all over the place or you have surprise imaginary relatives visiting. Just be honest to begin with.

2. Put Them First

Sometimes making up one of those little white lies feels like your best bet to get out of some crummy friend commitment, but a relationship in which you take and take and take without every giving will soon fail. Yes, helping a friend move out of their stiflingly humid apartment in the middle of a Japanese summer when the only music on their laptop is Oasis and you didn't sleep the night before sucks. But they will really appreciate it {they better really appreciate it} and its those sort of things that build the foundations for strong dependable friendships. Obviously you can't always say yes all the time or let people take advantage of you, but strive to do what you can, when you can.

3. Be a Positive Force in Their Lives

Be encouraging of their goals and hopes. Listen to their concerns and bolster their confidence when needed. Tout their accomplishments and be proud of them. Be their advocate in their absence and don't let others put them down. Don't be jealous or spiteful. Celebrate their achievements.  Take the initiative when they're having a tough time. Have fun together!

4. Don't Take them for Granted

It's such simple advice, but more difficult in practice! I have such an amazing husband, family and group of friends that I'm utterly and completely spoiled. I know this, but sometimes I forget. When a friend does something sweet for you, don't forget to say thank you even if you think they should already know you're grateful. Act grateful! I struggle the most with this with people I'm closest too. It's not hard to remember to say thank you to strangers and I was always taught to bring a small gift if I was invited to someone's house for dinner. By why do we forget these rules of etiquette when our closest friends are involved? Send a thank you note, bring a gift, help with the dishes after dinner and say thank you again and again... even if this seems too formal! I never want my friends and family to think they're unappreciated. Do sweet things for them in return, just because. I like sending little post cards or letters out of the blue!

5. Love {mostly} Unconditionally

No matter how close you are, you will never agree on everything completely. Respect their values and choices even if they're different from yours. Don't be too judgmental {a good rule in general}. Be forgiving of their mistakes. Sometimes a good friend will do something very UN-good-friendly. Give them a chance to apologize and to fix the problem. Don't let a good friendship crumble because you can't forgive and move on. Don't hold your friends to impossible standards and expectations. Don't make demands. Enjoy your friendship for what it is and work on improving it together.

 Mini-Tip: Always post embarrassing photos of them on your blog

Friendships, like all relationships, can be tough and they take some effort but are so worth it! I know I've made some life-long friends in my time in Japan and I know it will take a lot of effort on my part to keep those relationships healthy. I hope taking a moment to look back on my own little tips will help me not only remain BFFs with the friends I have but also expand my little second family.

What things do you need to work on to become a more amazing friend? What have your already amazing friends done for you?