On the Brink of Change

To remind you for the thirtieth time, I'm moving back to the U.S. after living in Japan for three years. This has been an inevitability since February when I turned down my fourth year contract with my school. The date was vaguely set and I promptly put it out of my head. Since then I've dealt with the logistics of leaving. I have plane tickets and have started packing and getting rid of my belongings. I've been in touch with the woman who will be replacing me. I've thought about it a lot, but that hasn't prevented a little bit of desperation to set in.

I know I'm on the brink of a major change in my life and I'm really not sure how to deal with it. I've noticed myself becoming a bit withdrawn. I've been taking care of the logistics, but I haven't been taking care of the emotional side. I'm avoiding things that I know will be hard. I need to write a farewell speech to my students. I should be spending more time with my friends. I shouldn't be sitting here at my desk right now, I should be out chatting with the students and teachers. I was barely able to go the Leavers' party last weekend in Fukushima and once there it took a concerted effort to enjoy myself. I want to do these things I just feel that tightness in my throat every time I even think about them. I'm just waiting for the tiniest thing to set me off crying.

I know I can't distance myself from the very things that are making this process so hard! Does that even make sense? I love it all so much. How can I say goodbye to an entire country? 

How do I say goodbye to an entire chapter of my life?

And HOW do I say goodbye to the loveliest public restrooms in the world?

Back story: This restroom was at a 7-11. Off the expressway. It had incense, seat covers, antibacterial spray, two air fresheners and wicker baskets of feminine products. There were floral decals on the walls. It was spotless. I would have eaten lunch and taken a nap on this toilet.